Shh, do you hear what I hear?

Long, long time ago…wow, a full Chinese zodiac rotation ago (12 years), there was a thing called Team Angie vs Team Jennifer, namely, nosy third parties who took a position on the love triangle of  Mr. & Mrs. Smith and Rachel Green from Friends.

Me? Team Angie. I mean, why wouldn’t a man be drawn to a badass bitch who flew planes when your wife complained 24/7 about being type-cast? Though completely neutral on her acting skills (honestly can’t tell if she has them or doesn’t,) I was turned off after reading any interview because it was one whiney rant. If I want that, look no further than this blog, or open an email from my reliably pessimistic older sister–I don’t pay for Vanity Fair to hear the rich and famous puff and pout about how life is so unfair.

Oh but Jennifer, that was over a decade ago. How times have changed. Girl, you and I have more in common than I would have ever imagined. Remember the days when you were on a tabloid every week for having a bloated belly at the beach or some invented source talking about how you were getting fertility treatments? It was rather relentless and brutal. Simply put, it was bullying and I’m sure there’s some pop psychology class at some hip college that is dissecting it now (not that these college kids know who Jennifer Aniston is, oh but their professor does…oops, I digress.) Oh yes, our parallel developments.

Shhh, listen. Do you hear what I hear?

Nothing. Yup, no one is talking about how you’re trying for a baby any more. Me, neither, about a year ago, people stopped bothering with social perfunctoriness like “Oh you never know.”

The air is thick and heavy with the unmentionable.


Babies are Cute, Not Beautiful

I have a circle of friends where three are childless, two recently gave birth, and one is currently pregnant. I’ve started noticing there’s a stark divide in the reactions between the haves and the have-nots.

Example 1-photo of a baby

Haves: S/he’s so beautiful.

Sans: Awww cutie.

I’ve run this by other sans. No sans ever thinks of a baby as beautiful. Babies are cute, adorable, and the word beautiful is reserved for sunsets and Angelina Jolie.

Example 2-items on a baby registry

Haves: GREAT! The giraffe lamp is SO cute!

Sans: I think the giraffe lamp would work.

Generally speaking, sans quickly skim through the baby registry, look at price points, click and be glad they got it over with. Or, if pooling in, responds after three reminders from the coordinator (a have) who’s weighed the pros and cons of each potential item comparing usefulness and how happy it would make the mother.

Example 3-photo of baby bump

Here, haves clearly have empathy EQ that the socially inept sans do not. But hey, how are we to know what to say if we’ve never experienced it?

Haves: You look radiant! That’s a cute bump style! How are you feeling?

Sans: Wow! You really are showing. So what are you gonna be for Halloween??