Enter Gaby

She’s here. The child I could have been a mother of. Kinda. Sorta.

When James and Kris approached me jokingly (but really not) about giving them an extra egg, I laughed it off–I was too old to be in the business of donating eggs. But of course I dwelled on it for weeks on end reading extensively about the bioethics of fertility medicine. As close as I was to them, and as alluring it was to pass on my genes without financial or legal responsibility, ultimately, I decided it wasn’t the right decision for me.

When I saw my bestie last year, I sensed something was off. Three months later she would disclose she was in New York (Connecticut) not for a business meeting, but to have fertilized eggs of James and Kris (surrogate egg donor) implanted. Intellectually I knew she was telling me as early as she could, but I still had to work through the feeling of not being privy to the intimate arrangement of my very good friends.

Thankfully, I came around quickly enough and was part of the support network of the unconventional pregnancy. When the bestie needed to vent because a gay man was still not a woman and didn’t quite appreciate the physical sacrifice she was undertaking, I was there. (Not that I really know what it’s like to be pregnant, but I pretended.)

Well, she’s here now, this child of James and Kris. Gone are the days of hitting gay clubs in Chelsea and Fire Island, watching RuPaul’s Drag Race, or James chastising me about what a hot mess I was. My gay male friends, the couple that I sat with at wedding tables, the ones who were up for a late night drink on a school night, the ones I would make stupid jokes about tea-bagging with…

“We welcomed this lady earlier today and our lives will never be the same,” James posted on Facebook. That’s right. It certainly won’t be the same for me either. I love you Gaby. I am one of your aunties and will always be here to support and guide you. And I knew your parents in the days before they were parents (sigh). And perhaps I could have been your biological mother. But no matter, I am here for you.

 

 

Guest Post By Shawn–Why People Have Kids

Not quite a guest post but an exchange I had with the fabulous Shawn, a friend from college who just moved back to New York. I love this guy. He’s witty and smart and the asshole knows he’s charming. That’s why he hangs out with me, to prevent him from straying from his long-distance boyfriend. We also happen to be one of the few people our own age who don’t have kids. Yes, that too.

While some of my gay guy friends have exercised their hard-earned right to enter wedlock and to start families, Shawn is entirely comfortable partying like it’s 1999. “Shawn, WHY are you on Grindr if you’re serious about your boyfriend?” “Just looooooookinnnnnnn! I get horny, okay????” “I don’t think looking is going to help silence your hormones!” “But check out this guy, isn’t he cute???” “….okay, he’s cute…” “It’s not cheating if he’s THAT good looking. That’s just a f___.” “Shawn!!!!”

But I digress. Shawn loves talking about relationships. He’s a writer. Per Shawn, straight couples have kids because “It’s the next step in the relationship and that option is available biologically.” A challenge and a way to deepen the relationship, or a case of the save-the-marriage-baby.

I asked about gay couples without that option.

“Oh, you break up or be miserable…or you cheat.”